All I did was buy a garden gnome… ONE LITTLE GNOME! My neighbor lost his mind over it. He stormed over, shouting that gnomes bring bad luck and demanded I take it down. But it’s my yard and I wasn’t backing down. That’s when things got ugly. He started making noise at all hours, leaving his trash near my fence, and glaring at me every time I stepped outside. Then one morning, I walked into my yard… and I BARELY RECOGNIZED IT! I swear, it was like he was casting spells or something! That was the last straw. If he wanted a war, fine. I went straight to the store and bought TEN MORE GNOMES. Lined them up proudly on my porch like an army. And I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. I thought I’d won. But then… he did something I NEVER EXPECTED. Something so petty, so outrageous, it stopped me cold. And all I can think is—how dare he?

I stood there, barefoot in the grass, speechless.

This wasn’t just a neighbor dispute anymore.
This was psychological warfare.

And I swear to you… he’s about to regret ever picking this fight.

I didn’t say a word.

I just smiled… and went inside.

By sunset, I had a plan. A diabolical, slightly unhinged plan that would make him wish he never touched a single ceramic hat on my porch.

Step 1: Amazon.
I ordered a motion sensor speaker, a fog machine, a dozen tiny red LED lights, and a gnome costume for dogs. (You’ll see why.)

Step 2: The message.
While he was at work the next day, I carefully rearranged my gnomes—frowns and all—into a perfect circle on my lawn.

In the middle, I placed a new gnome:
Tall, cloaked in black, glowing red eyes. Holding a scroll.
The scroll simply read:
“You have angered the Order of the Gnome.”