All I did was buy a garden gnome… ONE LITTLE GNOME! My neighbor lost his mind over it. He stormed over, shouting that gnomes bring bad luck and demanded I take it down. But it’s my yard and I wasn’t backing down. That’s when things got ugly. He started making noise at all hours, leaving his trash near my fence, and glaring at me every time I stepped outside. Then one morning, I walked into my yard… and I BARELY RECOGNIZED IT! I swear, it was like he was casting spells or something! That was the last straw. If he wanted a war, fine. I went straight to the store and bought TEN MORE GNOMES. Lined them up proudly on my porch like an army. And I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. I thought I’d won. But then… he did something I NEVER EXPECTED. Something so petty, so outrageous, it stopped me cold. And all I can think is—how dare he?

Step 3: Nightfall.
I waited until midnight.
That’s when the show began.

As soon as his motion light triggered, the fog machine filled the yard with a low, creeping mist.
The hidden speaker whispered in a gravelly voice:
“You cannot unearth what was once buried…
…The Gnome King awakens.”

And then—my dog (a very obedient dachshund), dressed in his little gnome outfit, ran laps in his yard, dragging a mini shovel behind him.

The scream he let out?

WORTH. EVERY. SECOND.

The next morning, he was already outside dismantling his “sad gnome army.”
No eye contact. No muttering. Not even a glare.

Just silent defeat.

But between you and me?

I’m already planning the next move.

Because the Gnome War… is far from over.